hope

I woke up this morning and I came out into our living room and my dad had told me my brother was talking about going to church. I at first didn’t believe him but, he explained to me that my brother has started getting these panic attacks. He can’t breath ( he has always had pretty off and on bad asthma) and he is sacred he’ll just stop breathing at night… This both scared the crap out of me and made me excited that God is changing his heart… I don’t know whats next. I’ve been praying for so long. I love my brother to death and would do anything for him. I pray that God is going to do amazing things with his life. I pray also that he not let these panic attacks go on any longer. I just ask that everyone who comes across this post will pray for my brother. He’s been going through some hard stuff besides the attacks lately… thanks.

Uplifting

That is a word I can use to describe my day yesterday. I had such a great day! I love my small group soooooo much!!! I ended up talking to Emily for like and hour and and a half after. She is such an amazing friend whom I’ve missed very much! I picked up Jamie and Brittany after and we had fun too! Lots of laughing! I worked for 4 hrs. yesterday then went to the church for Amy’s surprise party. Then Farah Sydney Melody and I went to see fireproof! It was amazing!! I love random girls nights!!!!!!!!! that movie is so amazing! we went to the church after for a while too. Today and tomorrow will be awesome.

Some well intentioned things must come to an end…

If your wondering what the heck I am talking about.. Well.. My said “vegetarianism”.

heres why.

1. I still desire to eat meat. Not like “omgosh… MEAT!!!” but it makes for a better complete meal. It smells good too..

2. I’ve gained weight. Ya.. sad to admit it. But since the summer I’ve gained like 10nish Ibs. which didn’t start till I stopped eating meat. too muck snacking and eating not the greatest stuff…

3. This isn’t that huge. But I’m tired of getting crap for it.

4. I miss eating at certain places.

5. I’ve started to feel sick sometimes. I know I’m not doing it right.

I think that’s about it… I feel really bad. Somewhat hypocritical.

I do love aniamals… But ya… I think tomorrow I’ll eat something with meat. I was going to wait till saturday at lizzys wedding but oh well…

THE WEEKEND

Needs to come sooner.

Just fine

In fact… amazing. Last night I just meditated. I NEVER do that. But I felt I needed to; to clear my mind. It worked. I was reading so much scripture. My sister kept asking me to turn the light off, but I couldn’t stop reading. I was reading from my Bible that I used last summer. There were so many markings that I made in it. Stuff that was very insightful, encouraging, funny, and loving. God made me feel so much better. It’s still a constant struggle trying to understand things around me and let God be my center sometimes. But it’s well worth the narrow path.       Mathew 7:13-14

“13“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.14″

Why?

I’m good for a little bit of time letting God be the one that fills me. But it’s hard right now when theres so much going on around me.

I just want to cry. I feel really depressed tonight. Today was awesome though…what the heck?. I’m not bipolar or anything, but I know tomorrow I’ll be just fine. I need to go read my bible and I’ll be ok.

my mind is lame. I talked to Tina today. It’s so hard to understand why people leave God. It breaks my heart. I think Thats why I feel so horrible right now. Infact I’m sure of it. I ask God to break my heart for what breaks his. Then when he does it I feel like this. I need to be filled with him right now… Night.

writting..

has led me into another world. I have a “journal” but I never really felt good using it. I got a spiral note pad and I can’t stop writting in it and I think about writting in it often. I love it. Tonight I want to read some more Psalms. Maybe venture into some more old testiment! night everyone!

Relationships

Relationships forChristians seems to be the most hardest thing. The most confusing. The most delicate. The most riskiest of walks. The most gut wrenching to watch. Either the best thought out thing or the least thought out thing. The most hurtful or the best growing experience….I could go on. basically it’s a break you make you thing…

am I scared? Darn Skippy.

Watching what it does to people is just…. crazy! People make some pretty tough decisions on these things. Some think with God at the center and some think with themselves at the center.

I just hope when God makes a relationship happen for me… I don’t lose sight… I made a list… I said I wouldn’t.. But I did. I needed to. I don’t think it was biased at all.. Melody knows what I mean…

anyways,night!!

p.s Finally! I’m listening to D.C.F.C and I will posses your hearts intro is soooo long! and talk about a gooooood song… even though the lyrics are.. umm almost creepy but I love them : ) hah…Love…

I DID IT!!!!

I had an amazing day today!!!! much change in less than 24 hours? why because God is the amazing God he is!!!!!!!

1. I am going to be working at the church more. Helping out Frank Cortez with paper work and stuff for all the small groups in the church!!!

2. I was very encouraged by Sydney and Farah today! Sandy too! I love them sooo much! (as I do all my friends!!) I’m going to go pray at 6am! WOW!

3. I told my head front end manager that I’m stepping down from managment! YES!!!!! FINNALY!!!!!!

4. I’m going to have anamzing Quiet time tonight too! Sydney texted me and told me to read psalm 23!

: ) God had just about the most wonderful suprises.

Frustration

Frustration is the only feeling I can use to describe what I am hearing of certain situations lately. If you haven’t talked to me about whats going on, then it will remain that way. Gossip is lame and I will not subject to that.

Anyways, I can only say this: Your choices are between you an God; Ultimately every thing you do is between you and God. But actions you take still have an effect on people here on earth. Things you say too. When making those decisions in life it’s always good to consult someone. As a christian FREAKING CONSULT  GOD!!!!!!  He has all the answers! that big thing called the bible , ya His words are in there. If you think that Gods telling you something, maybe He is, but think about it. If it contradicts the bible and calls you to be unloving. That’s probably not God.  

People are making so many choices lately. I don’t even know what going on anymore. I’m not mad at anyone. I have no right to be. I am very much so just frustrated with whats going on in peoples lives. I’m not being nosy. I’m just trying to care for people I love and would rather not see them get hurt. I just wish people would not be lame sometimes. I can be too though.

Much prayer is going on right now…